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      <span class="title" itemprop="headline">溶脂也有垃圾話</span>
      <p class="time article" itemprop="datePublished" datetime="2010-01-14T12:55:20+08:00">January 14, 2010｜<span>瀏覽人數  4,990 次</span></p>
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        <p><div><img src="frontend/cover/default.png" alt="45.jpg" hspace="5" align="left"></div>最近比較忙沒空認真發文（屁，明明天天發）
<br />就算回家有時間也只想裸著下半身在家奔跑，完全不想做其它的事
<br />就貼一些msn對話來充場面吧
<br />因為最近去雷射溶脂，我的下半身改頭換面重新做人了
<br />不免要跟好友講一些垃圾話．．．．．</p>

<p>之一</p>

<p>（這是溶脂前的對話）</p>

<p><font color="blue">老頭：</font>我回去時就比妳會吃辣了
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>你回來時我已經變成一個瘦子了
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>妳是去割胃嗎?
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>我要去雷射溶脂
<br />你再也看不到我的大腿怪肉了
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>那請把以前的小紅還給我!!!
<br />我怕我回去會認不出妳
<br />去迪化街妳會溜掉
<br />滑到下水道去
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>我會啊
<br />但胸部太大會卡住
<br />只有下半身下得去
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>妳在作夢嗎?
<br />那以後妳的文章會不會更著重下体的功能呢?
<br />因為瘦了可用性更多了
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>沒錯
<br />但我是去溶脂不是去學十八招
<br />好像也沒什麼新玩意兒
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>哪知妳變瘦了會不會忍不住去學呀
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>瘦了就應該讓它發光發熱嗎</p>

<p>之二</p>

<p>（因為溶脂DM上說手術時很輕鬆，可以聽音樂玩手機，或是<b>幻想自己變瘦的樣子</b>，所以我先幻想一下要怎麼幻想自己變瘦的樣子）</p>

<p><font color="blue">人妻寶：</font>胖的人不是大腿根部兩塊肉都會黏著
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>是啊，我那兩塊從未分開過，永遠心手相連
<br /><font color="blue">人妻寶：</font>溶脂完它們就會分手了
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>中間會有個好大的空隙，有天我在路上走著走著會有拉不拉多從我下面穿過
<br />我以為我死了怎麼有東西可以從我身體穿過去，才知道原來是我大腿太細分很開啊哦齁齁齁齁齁
<br /><font color="blue">人妻寶：</font>酷斯拉和尼斯湖水怪都可以從中間鑽過去，實在太細了啊</p>

<p>之三</p>

<p>（這是溶脂後兩天，我傳手術前手術後照片給老頭看產生的對話）</p>

<p><font color="blue">老頭：</font>好像真的變曼妙了
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>雖然還是很胖，起碼不畸形
<br />以前那兩塊,就算我出賣場門沒嗶嗶叫，口袋那麼鼓店員也以為我偷東西了吧
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>對呀  外科醫生看到會以為妳腿上是妳雙胞胎姊妹的臉
<br />賣菜的看到會盯住看有沒有菜葉形狀
<br />世界馬拉松女冠軍會以為碰到勁敵了
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>幸好那都是以前的我了
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>萬一被日本AV片商看到 會砸大錢請妳去拍A片
<br />因為日本AV一定要什麼人種都有
<br />我看過缺二條腿的女生也拍A片  懷孕的也拍
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>看那種內容有減壓效果嗎....沒吧
<br />越看越沈重
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>而且你好博學哦什麼都看過
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>減壓? 看A片會減壓嗎? 我沒有減過
<br />都是娛樂片吧
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>看到那些怪人下巴都合不起來了
<br /><font color="red">小紅：</font>那我去拍封面會被寫成畸形馬鞍孃嗎
<br /><font color="blue">老頭：</font>這樣不夠畸也不夠淫</p>

<p>想到我們三個朋友加起來都一百歲了還能講出這種內容，我就感到十分羞恥
<br />對了再跟大家分享一下
<br />今天我看到同事的腰內肉爆出褲頭，忍不住告訴她我去雷射溶脂
<br />又熱情的邀約她摸我的大腿（我孫病了，最近好愛強迫人摸我大腿）
<br />動手後她一臉驚訝，發出了日本綜藝節目做作女明星的ㄟ～呼聲
<br />本來以為她是假裝的，因為她沒摸過以前的我
<br />而在下一向把馬鞍收納得很好，像曹蘭王月到你家般的魔術收納法
<br />普通人很難發現我那畸形的大腿，她沒理由這麼驚訝啊
<br />結果她縮其實以前有一次她叫我時順手拍了我的馬鞍部
<br />拍到後她好驚訝但不敢提出來
<br />事後還回想我身上怎麼有塊可怕的東西
<br />感覺像她立馬雙腿一軟攤坐在地上，整個下午還不想和人說話的驚嚇法（有那麼恐怖嗎！）　（有！）
<br />現在摸到我平坦的馬鞍才如此驚訝
<br />然後馬上問我幾多錢了
<br />我都還沒說現在水腫，一個月後的它會更平坦呢～～（喜孜孜）</p>
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