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      <span class="title" itemprop="headline">馬桶裡有蛇</span>
      <p class="time article" itemprop="datePublished" datetime="2009-05-13T13:31:15+08:00">May 13, 2009｜<span>瀏覽人數  2,666 次</span></p>
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        <p><div><img src="frontend/cover/default.png" alt="蛇.jpg" hspace="5" align="left"></div>「一朝被蛇咬，十年怕馬桶！」住埔里鎮山區的林姓男子，日前坐馬桶小解時，突感下體一陣劇痛，回頭赫見一條巨蛇，躲在馬桶裡昂首吐舌信，咬破他的陰囊鮮血直流，趕緊負傷求助鄰人送醫；醫生說所幸黑眉錦蛇無毒，否則不止「蛋蛋」報銷，連小命也不保。
<br />↑↑↑
<br />前天看到的新聞
<br />據說後來的情形是該男為了怕蛇出來傷人
<br />不顧自己鮮血直流的卵蛋先一直沖水試圖把牠沖走
<br />之後又拿著馬桶刷與之搏鬥
<br />實在趕牠不走才拖著噴血的下體去向鄰居求救
<br />到醫院後因為不能確定是什麼蛇，又去請鄰人回到案發現場鑑定
<br />最後在器材的輔助下抓出一條一百七十公分的黑眉錦蛇這樣
<br />這位林姓男子也太目小了，這麼大一個東西在馬桶裡竟然沒發現
<br />我比較好奇的是他開始大便沒，還是一坐下去就被咬了
<br />還有他就醫時要用什麼姿勢讓醫生要怎麼幫他診斷
<br />陰囊它太奸巧，像永遠都有掩護的樣子
<br />從背面來的話怎麼想都很不對勁
<br />要是從正面是不是要請小護士用一個鑷子把陽具提著才好作業
<br />這件事讓我思緒馳騁了好一陣子，希望林先生能來解答本人內心的疑惑。
<br />看到這個新聞我腦中的馬桶資料庫啟動
<br />搜尋到一筆數年前有個旅客在飛機上坐著沖馬桶
<br />結果因為真空吸力整個人被馬桶吸住無法自拔的事
<br />新聞最後是<b>叉姓男子也是整個飛機降落途中，唯一不用綁安全帶的旅客</b>
<br />這個結論又點到我笑穴
<br />而且我很認真的想過，應該只要用一根手指稍稍把屁股肉提起來一點
<br />放一些空氣進去應該就能站起來了吧
<br />不然用你的食指順著股溝鑽鑽鑽進去也可以進點空氣
<br />真的有可能可以把馬桶坐得那麼滿嗎？
<br />（好啦我承認屁大如我其實是可以的，我也能把公車椅墊坐滿，有時屁股還會溢到隔壁乘客那邊．．．）
<br />那個新聞過後我有一次坐飛機真的想試試看我的方法
<br />但在廁所來回跥步了半天沒種嘗試，我還是有一些包袱在沒法放那麼開
<br />最近看到史丹利的布落格縮一年都有一件想嘗試看看的事
<br />衷心期盼他能把這件事列入待辦事項中。
<br />看到那個蛇的新聞當天晚上我去看一個<a href="http://tw.movie.yahoo.com/movieinfo_main.html/id=2993">陰牙人</a>的試片
<br />片子是在縮一個信奉禁慾的女生那裡有長牙
<br />如果被非自願性的侵入會把人家咬斷的故事
<br />她的陰部有點像這個<a href="http://shopping.pchome.com.tw/?m=item&amp;f=exhibit&amp;IT_NO=KAAA05-A37020198&amp;SR_NO=KAAA05">旋轉鼻毛刀</a>
<br />在短短的一個多小時之內絞下了３個陽具４根手指頭有夠威
<br />不過我本來以為是一部噁爛片但很不噁爛
<br />血淋淋是有的，但真的不噁
<br />只有一些男生摀著紅紅的下體
<br />眼錚錚的看著自己和弟弟骨肉分離的鏡頭
<br />看完後回家我沈澱了一下
<br />發現當天我的世界中不是老二就是陰囊沒有善終
<br />幸好在下本身並沒有那兩個東西
<br />不然晚上要睡不著惹
<br />最後那個林先生說他不太敢用醫院的馬桶（又跳回那個新聞上）
<br />只使用自己帶去的塑膠小馬桶
<br />因為看到馬桶會有陰影，想到他的「貢丸」被咬的事情
<br />原來那個東西還有個代名詞叫貢丸
<br />以前有gay朋友跟我縮江湖上又稱陰囊叫小鈴噹
<br />私以為鈴噹要比貢丸傳神多了啊～</p>

<p>後記：當天因為看到<b>林姓男子被咬陰囊</b>這個標有開心一下
<br />如果在酒吧裡可能就會敲鐘請全店喝酒這樣
<br />我發現自己在內心深處對姓林的男子施以連坐法
<br />真是太要不得了
<br />姓林不是罪啊～～～林叉叉你快出來跟全國的林姓男子道歉吧
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              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/jiu-wei-de-qian-nan-you-wen-zhi-lin-cha-cha-xian-bie-ji-zhu-mai-xiong-sha-wo-jin-tian-shi-xie-ling-yi-ge">1. 久違的前男友文之林叉叉先別急著買兇殺我今天是寫另一個</a></p>
              <p class="time">May 6, 2011</p>
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              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/na-bu-jian-de-shi-zhen-ai-a--chuo-tai-yang-xue">2. 那不見得是真愛啊（戳太陽穴）</a></p>
              <p class="time">April 24, 2013</p>
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              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/nan-xing-zuo-zhu-niao-niao-zhi-wo-si">3. 男性坐著尿尿之我思</a></p>
              <p class="time">September 10, 2012</p>
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              <div class="img75x75"><img src="https://assets.showon.com.tw/uploads/photo/asset/3471/square_a44a41c7d9768e64f298ad44100f6b7e.png" alt="Square a44a41c7d9768e64f298ad44100f6b7e" /></div>
              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/jin-xin-dao-hang-bu-ru-wu-dao-hang">4. 盡信導航不如無導航</a></p>
              <p class="time">October 1, 2009</p>
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              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/she-hui-ju-ni-men-zhen-de-hen-wu-liao-ye">5. 社會局你們真的很無聊耶</a></p>
              <p class="time">October 3, 2012</p>
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              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/zi-wo-feng-ge-hen-zhong-yao">6. 自我風格很重要</a></p>
              <p class="time">July 18, 2014</p>
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              <p class="time">October 29, 2007</p>
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              <div class="img75x75"><img src="/assets/frontend/cover/square_default-eec4e044dc7b203c55fc184da649cb4ace0c59df8ce4bdac60f974d70be4cc58.png" alt="Square default" /></div>
              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/mu-shi-de-tai-tai-ni">8. 牧師的太太妳．．．</a></p>
              <p class="time">October 6, 2009</p>
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              <div class="img75x75"><img src="/assets/frontend/cover/square_default-eec4e044dc7b203c55fc184da649cb4ace0c59df8ce4bdac60f974d70be4cc58.png" alt="Square default" /></div>
              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/peng-qia-qia-guang-die-you-gan">9. 澎恰恰光碟有感</a></p>
              <p class="time">October 30, 2007</p>
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              <div class="img75x75"><img src="/assets/frontend/cover/square_default-eec4e044dc7b203c55fc184da649cb4ace0c59df8ce4bdac60f974d70be4cc58.png" alt="Square default" /></div>
              <p class="rank"><a href="/articles/zhi-ai-guan-hou-gan--ying-gai-mei-you-lei--ba">10. 窒愛觀後感（應該沒有雷（吧））</a></p>
              <p class="time">March 11, 2010</p>
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    <li><a href="/articles/na-bu-jian-de-shi-zhen-ai-a--chuo-tai-yang-xue">那不見得是真愛啊（戳太陽穴）</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/nan-xing-zuo-zhu-niao-niao-zhi-wo-si">男性坐著尿尿之我思</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/jin-xin-dao-hang-bu-ru-wu-dao-hang">盡信導航不如無導航</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/she-hui-ju-ni-men-zhen-de-hen-wu-liao-ye">社會局你們真的很無聊耶</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/zi-wo-feng-ge-hen-zhong-yao">自我風格很重要</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/wo-shi-xiao-jie--bu-shi-yun-fu">我是小姐，不是孕婦</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/mu-shi-de-tai-tai-ni">牧師的太太妳．．．</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/peng-qia-qia-guang-die-you-gan">澎恰恰光碟有感</a></li>
    <li><a href="/articles/zhi-ai-guan-hou-gan--ying-gai-mei-you-lei--ba">窒愛觀後感（應該沒有雷（吧））</a></li>
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